


For All the Ones Who Hurt the Most

by deandratb



Series: Tumblr Micro Requests [6]
Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:10:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandratb/pseuds/deandratb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fic, mid-series. <i>This is how things are transformed; a turning of the tide.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	For All the Ones Who Hurt the Most

**Author's Note:**

  * For [broken_hearted_bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_hearted_bard/gifts).



> Disclaimed. Prompt: **sea change**

They're both plagued by nightmares, which is how they meet--as more than captain and fugitive, that is. Mal roams the ship when he can't sleep, and Simon likes to watch the stars from the upper deck while he writes.

_"Not tired, Doctor?"_

_"Always tired. Couldn't stop thinking."_

If anyone else wakes in the middle of the night, they avoid Simon. He's never been that good with people, awkward yet polite--funny how politeness seems to rub this group the wrong way. It got him far enough in the civilized world.

The others avoid Mal just as deliberately, knowing him well enough to leave his moods be. He's too proud to seek them out even when he does have an urge for conversation--which must be why he finds himself letting Simon ramble.

_"Nobody would listen. I had to save her. She has a chance now. But I wasn't...fully prepared for how much damage they've done."_

_"She's alive. You do what you're able. Can't do more'n that."_

It's certainly why Mal finds himself talking about that first year on Serenity, during the chaos of post-war "reconstruction" that put every man in the sky on edge.

_"They don't offer lessons in law-breaking, surprising enough. I learned like you, on the go. Almost got us all killed dozens of times. You're doin' fine."_

_"I can't imagine you without the layer of dust and hard-earned expertise."_

_"Well, don't make it less true. Wide-eyed and believing, that was me. Dumb kid. We all gotta start somewhere."_

This is how they learn they have more in common than either of them would have expected. This is how things are transformed; a turning of the tide.

Mal and Simon approach the outlaw life from different angles, but they've taught themselves how to run. There is an affinity in that; a drive and desire that's hard to understand without the bone-deep terror of losing everything you hold dear.

_"Nothing else matters. I would care how psychologically unhealthy that sounds...but it simply can't matter until she's okay."_

_"As long as I'm breathing, I'll fly or die trying. That’s my choice. Who needs to live all healthful?"_

Simon is sure that River knows about them, but she's filled to the brim with other people’s secrets and there's little danger of this small and personal one spilling out.

Mal doesn't care who knows, because it's his ship and his life and where he finds solace is nobody's business.

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Not thinking. You should try it."_

Their closeness hidden behind doors and literally over the heads of the rest of the crew only makes them edgier during the day, more prone to invading each others' space or lashing out in tense situations.

_“Get your hands off me!”_

_"You have to keep your sister out of the engine room, d’ya hear me? Kaylee's barely got Serenity flyin' as it is, and if the girl genius starts giving the engine her bible treatment we'll all be driftwood."_

_"She's not going to kill us! She's trying to help."_

_"Just shut her down, doctor. I don't have time to deal with her help. Give her a jump rope to play with or somethin.’"_

In private, Mal's hands are as rough as his manners, but there is a gentleness about him too.

Simon wonders if he's the first, for the captain. He had...incidents, as an intern and at Medacad--but it was understood that certain things wouldn't be tolerated for a Tam. He always stopped it. There is freedom in being forsaken by the world that molded him.

_“Come here.”_

_"Are you--"_

_"Just hush."_

The only thing they never talk about is whatever this is. As long as they don't name it, it can't be examined too closely. It can't be broken.

There's already been enough breaking for them both.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Party" by Regina Spektor.
> 
> If you'd like to see more of these, head [here](http://iwantthepony.tumblr.com/post/128453041570/send-me-a-number-and-ill-write-a-micro-story) to request one!


End file.
